I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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