why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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