if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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