why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
