We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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