Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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