I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
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I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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