My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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