I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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