Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize