i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
