I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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