Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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