your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
