I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
