You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
