There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
