who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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