Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
