We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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