the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
