the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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