someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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