Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize