HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
