Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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