Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
