Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
