i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
