My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
