this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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