And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
