Christians are straight up FREAKS
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
