so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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