nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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