ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
