Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
