you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
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Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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