I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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