Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
did i walk over a car last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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