There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
