She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
