"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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