I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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