She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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