she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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