apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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