yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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