No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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