i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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