i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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