So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
