i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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