Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
