Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
