I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I touched a dick in church today
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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