I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
