Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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