This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
