He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
