One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
