I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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