so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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