She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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