i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
