Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hippo gnu deer
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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