pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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