here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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