So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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