Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dignity is for republicans.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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