i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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